On the Illusion of Control

And Surprising Invitations

I can easily get stuck when I want to try creative techniques that I’ve never done before. It feels so scary! What if I mess it up and it turns out all wrong? Paralysis sets in or distraction does. Sometimes, I notice my stuckness showing up as returning to old unhelpful behaviors that I thought I had already grown out of.

When we get stuck in a rut of doing the same thing again and again, we can’t move in a way that would lead us into our fullest flourishing. And it feels like we’ve lost a huge degree of agency over our lives.

Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash and modified in Canva by me!

What keeps you stuck?

• Maybe there are too many doubts about how things will turn out. 

• Maybe the potential to make mistakes and look foolish is keeping you from stepping out of your comfort zone. We all know that place well, with its silk cushions lining the gilded cages we keep ourselves in.

• Maybe the many questions about how to proceed are too overwhelming or just plain scary.

Did you notice that all of these stumbling blocks have one thing in common: they all share the illusion that we are in control. 

TLDR: You are only in control of one thing: yourself.

You don’t control the outcome of your efforts, but only what you bring to those efforts. The only thing you control is how often you show up to tend to those things that are yours to do. It can be tricky to know what is yours to do and what is someone else’s work. Listening to your intuition can help here - it is your internal guidance system.

You have very little control over external influences. For example, I don’t control the weather (obvi), or how other people vote (unfortunately), or whether anyone thinks my latest offering (more on that soon) is irresistible! So why do I get stuck in thinking that no one will come, and refuse to put my offer out there? I had a coach who encouraged me not to “hoard my brownies!” Now, not everyone likes brownies, but the ones who do will show up. All I control is how I make my brownies (always with chocolate chips!) and whether or not to offer them up. Everything else is outside of my control.

You have no control over what other people think about you, your artwork, or your life. What people say about you says more about them than it does you. Spending time worrying about this drains away the energy you need to do your work. Hike your own hike.

Is your soul weary?

You may be asking what to do with all those doubts and fears and questions that rise up and get so loud whenever we try to do something different. Living on auto-pilot is not the answer, although I have to admit that doing the same thing you‘ve always done, is really quite efficient! Your brain loves to operate on auto-pilot because it’s easier - no decision fatigue. Your ego loves it because it knows what to expect and that’s much less scary. It’s called a comfort zone for a reason. But your soul will grow weary of doing all the things for all the people and running out of energy and time to do the one thing that your soul is calling you to do. 

Is it time for a plot twist?

What if you twisted your mindset a bit?

What if you stopped running from those doubts, fears, and questions, and instead, regarded them as a personal invitation from the universe to explore what your one thing is? Is it time to twist the direction of your life’s plot to make sure that you are actually heading in the ‘right’ direction for you, the direction that is aligned with your soul?

Here are few things you actually do control: 

• You get to change how or how frequently you show up in the world for yourself, your family, or for your art practice. Choose a frequency that is just slightly outside your comfort zone. And then see how that feels!

• You get to take new creative risks. Embrace the beginner’s mind - it’s a place filled with possibilities. When you are stuck, have a think about other paths. Then ask yourself “what would happen if I did this.…” Just choose a different direction and give it a go. Life is a series of iterations and pivots. Step out of the rut!

• You can go beyond what you were taught in childhood to discover more expansive ways of being and believing. “Never lose a holy curiosity,” Albert Einstein reportedly said. Having lots of questions is a sign of intelligence, an indicator of a holy curiosity and an openness to the possibilities that more is waiting for you. 

• You’re invited to follow your curiosity and explore something that your childhood teachers taught you was “off limits.” Is it possible that they feared things they did not understand and declared them off limits? Things like dancing, listening to popular music, learning about other religious practices, attending different types of worship services? Are you stuck in that same place of fearing what you don’t know?

• You can choose to be open to the unexpected.

  Indeed be on the lookout for how Godde will surprise you. Ask and you will receive!

You, my friend, are only in control of one thing: yourself, but only if, and to the degree that you choose yourself. That is the path that leads to growth and freedom.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” Viktor Frankl

What will you choose?

---

Let me know in the comments!

If you’d like to talk about all of this privately, you are most welcome to schedule a time to see if one-on-one spiritual direction with me is a fit for you: