Learning to trust the brush

On getting acquainted with my artist soul.

I’m about one month into a three month online immersion program designed to transform me into an artist who is comfortable with painting the truth, even if it’s not pretty. I want to paint my deepest wisdom from the place where my artist soul lives.

In this program, I’m learning about myself as an artist, not new techniques, but much deeper stuff, like what does it look like to show up authentically to my art practice. What old stories am I telling myself when I stay away from my art practice? And why I prioritize everyone else before doing what I want to do?

I’ve been exploring the care and feeding of my artist soul and paying attention to those forces that get in the way of making art.

What is the artist soul? One of my artist mentors, Connie Solera, refers to her artist soul as her essential life/art/business guide.

I’m just getting acquainted with mine.

I want to trust my artist soul more. Trusting what comes out of my brush means trusting that my artist soul knows the way in the darkness. That she is a skilled guide through the unknown. That she knows intuitively, unconsciously what my conscious self can’t see yet, what it hasn’t woken up to yet.

Before I can trust my artist soul more, I need to know her better. To grow in trust is to grow in knowledge and in intimacy, to spend more time with her, to explore and discover what she likes and what lights her up. What shuts her down. What tickles her fancy. What her favorite colors and ways of making marks are. What is her favorite way of beginning.

As I write out these questions and pause to consider more, I’m aware of a multitude of voices, each weighing in with their own preferences. The loudest voice is the voice of my own experience. “This is the way we’ve always done it. Let’s not rock the boat. Just play it safe and keep plodding along our well-worn path.”

My artist soul is quiet, lurking in the background, waiting, waiting, waiting for the space to speak. She is quiet, but not timid or shy. She knows the way but is not the kind to elbow her way to the front and command attention. She has the answers but waits patiently, calmly, for me to turn to her, to honor her, to ask her for her wisdom.

Not unlike approaching Buckbeak, Harry Potter’s hippogriff, I need to approach her with reverence and appreciation for her wisdom. I need to honor her knowing, and to trust that she will lead me to new and unexpected places. I want to hand over my paint brushes to her capable hands.

My artist soul knows how to braid all the parts of me together, she has been doing just that in the background for lo these many years. She knows that I can survive making junky art. She knows what it will look like when I paint my truth, even though I don’t have a clue.

So how to grow in that trust? How can I trust what comes out of my brush? When I hold on to preconceived outcomes, my inner perfectionist overworks the art and drains all the energy out of it. But if I begin without any clue of what will unfold, I learn to listen for what comes next. I pay attention to how my artist soul speaks. I try this and listen. I try that and listen.

Are you good at listening for your inner guidance? Or is it a battle between the still small voice of your artist soul and the old programming and loud noise coming from all around you on the outside. In my next email, I’ll talk about some of the obstacles that show up when I finally do make it to my art space.

Here are some considerations to get more acquainted with your artist soul:

• List all the ways your artist soul likes to create.

• Which materials feel juiciest to her?

• What colors make her sing?

• What time of day is your artist soul most present and energized? How does that timing work out for you?

• How old is your artist soul? Is she a child who loves to sprawl out on the floor and play with her imagination? A teen-aged multitasking plate spinner, excited to try every new idea? Mine seems to be more like a dignified old crone. Once you figure out her age, consider how to best engage with her.

• When you create, however you create, do you begin with your outcome in mind? Or are you open to what wants to emerge? Relaxing the grip on outcomes expands the space for the artist soul to work her magic.

• What is the one thing that your artist soul wants you to know today?

• What is she craving right now?

Keep creating, my friend! We have to outpace the destruction that surrounds us!

Mary